Big Machine
by Melmm
Summary: A party and a spiked drink leave Nny questioning everything he believes to be real. A warning: despite the way it may currently look like things are going, this story does NOT have a happy ending. Chapter 10 up.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note: Inspired by the songs "Big Machine" by the Goo Goo Dolls, "Nightmare" by Eve 6, and a fun episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue, no money anyway

_Hey, what are you thinking, I tried to read your face. Say, say what you're thinking, don't carry 'round that pain._

Johnny sighed and looked up from his latest Happy Noodle Boy comic. He really hated it when the neighbors had parties. Not only were there entirely too many people around, most of them acting like complete idiots, but he could always hear the music all the way down the street. He wondered briefly how may explosives he had left after all the fun at that café, but he really didn't feel like going out. Thinking there might still be a guest from the last annoying party chained up in the basement, he started for the stairs.

_Bzzaaagh!_

Nny froze. Someone was ringing his doorbell? That was odd. He shrugged. It was a little late for door-to-door salesmen, but he could always use an extra victim. Pulling open the door, he was surprised to see two girls standing before him - a slightly familiar-looking redhead and a blonde. Both of them were giggling and leaning on one another, apparently having some trouble balancing on what Nny judged to be four-inch heels.

_Ooh, drunken party girls. Even better than annoying salespeople.  
_

"Hey," the redhead began, then stopped and stared at Johnny for nearly a full minute before slurring, "You're hot," and collapsing in giggles once more, joined by her friend.

_Oookay.drunker than I thought.  
_

She tried again. "Do you mind if we park some cars on your lawn or something? We kinda ran out of room on the street." She gestured behind her. Johnny could indeed see cars parked along every available inch of sidewalk.

"Read the signs," he muttered, closing the door. But before he could get it shut, the girl moved to block the door. Nny was surprised her reflexes were that good.

"Thass rude," she said, smiling.

Johnny rolled his eyes. _I'll show you rude._ But for some reason, he wasn't feeling very homicidal at the moment. He simply said, "I'm sorry. Goodbye," and attempted to close the door again.

"I'll forgive you," she said, still holding it open, "if you come to my party."

Nny stared at her in shock for a moment. "Uh."

"We gotta get back now, but you better come, okay? I'll look for you. Bye!" And with that, the girl and her friend, who was still laughing at absolutely nothing, stumbled back in the direction of the noise.

Slightly stunned, Johnny slowly returned to his chair. He had been invited to a party. All right, he had been invited to a party by someone who was barely coherent, but it was an invitation nonetheless.

Naturally, he wouldn't be going. He didn't even know the girl, or, for that matter, want to know her or any of the other pieces of human waste that would surely be at such an event. He turned back to his comic, then remembered that he had been headed downstairs.

_Hmm._ Nny fingered the trusty machete tucked into his boot. He could always go, just to pick up a new victim or two. There really wasn't anyone worthwhile in the basement. And that way, no matter how things worked out, it wouldn't be a complete waste. Nodding to himself (and completely forgetting that just a few minutes ago he hadn't wanted to leave the house), he bounded for the door.

The girl had not said where she lived, but it wasn't terribly difficult to figure out. A house a few doors down had all its lights on, music blaring even louder now that he was outside, and a nearly constant stream of people going in and out. Johnny approached the house a bit uncertainly, almost expecting to be stopped at the door and turned away. He entered without incident, feeling strangely relieved.

Inside, everything was bright, hot, and loud. The majority of the room was being used as a makeshift dance floor. It wasn't large enough. The result was a nearly solid block of people dancing. Johnny edged carefully around them, wondering how on earth they could move without bumping into each other.

There was no shortage of people in the rest of the room, either. Nny wove between them, trying not to step on anyone's feet as he glanced around. All right, what the hell was he supposed to do now that he was here?

Spotting a table loaded with food and in a slightly less populated area, he made a beeline for it. He poured himself a cup of soda from one of the half-full two-liter bottles littering the table and stood back to watch the dancers. He had just enough time to think how glad he was not to be among them, when.

"Hey! Hey, you, hottie!" Nny glanced up to see the drunken hostess hurrying toward him, moving through the crowd surprisingly well. "Hey, wanna dance?" she asked breathlessly upon reaching him.

"No, I." But she was already grabbing his arm and pulling him onto the dance floor. Nny had just enough time to set his drink down on the table before being dragged into the solid wall of bodies.

Three songs later, Johnny finally managed to shake off his captor and regain the relative safety of his spot by the food table. The dancing had not been quite as bad as he had imagined. After only three dances he was tired, hot, sweaty, and quite tired of being rammed by people's elbows, but other than that it wasn't so bad. Grabbing the soda he has left behind, he gulped down the remainder of it, then looked up. He noticed a girl with bright-blue hair and really awesome boots moving in his direction. Probably a complete coincidence, but he decided to move just in case she was having any misguided thoughts of dragging him back onto the dance floor.

Strange, though, he didn't seem to be able to move as quickly as usual, and the next thing he knew, the girl was beside him.

"Hi," she said. Up close she seemed unbelievably beautiful.

"Hey," he replied, suddenly feeling very warm, content and comfortable. The girl said something and gestured with one hand, brushing it against his arm. He didn't hear the words. His arm seemed to tingle where she had touched him. His vision was a bit blurry, but all his other senses seemed sharpened. She spoke again, and though the words didn't register, her voice cut through his head, drilling into his skull. He winced. He could feel her, could feel everyone in the room, the heat from their moving bodies prickling along his skin.

The sensation was fascinating, but somewhat sickening at the same time. Wanting out of the room, away from the people and their stinging warmth, he attempted to walk away again and made some progress this time, though it was still slow going. He seemed to be moving at normal speed, but he wasn't getting very far. Finally he made it to a fairly quiet hallway and wandered aimlessly down it. At the end of the hall was a bathroom, which was miraculously empty. The floor was checkered with black and white tiles. Nny stared at it, fascinated, until the tiles seemed to go on forever, the sway gently around him. Slightly dizzy, he sank down on the edge of the bathtub, wondering why the lights seemed to be getting dimmer. The room swam and darkened as the chill of the porcelain seeped into his skin, burning even more so than the heat of the bodies in the other room. Nny was dimly aware of throwing up on the tiled floor before sliding onto it as everything went black.

One more author's note: K, so that sucked, but it was fairly necessary to the plot. Next chapter should be somewhat longer and better. Byeeee!


	2. Chapter 2 Original, yes?

Author's Note: Must…write…must…write. I am so determined to finish a fic right now. I've got a couple dozen in progress, and so many more plot bunnies hopping around my brain it's not even funny. I'm beginning to feel quite overwhelmed and lame, so I'm forcing myself to finish what I've started and stop starting new stuff and finish at least one of my chaptered fics off completely. Since I'm pretty much dying to start a couple of Bon Jovi fics, that should inspire me to finish this. I hope. Anyway! Enjoy chapter 2 and hope my little plot works and chapter 3 comes soon. Oh, and I really know very little about hospitals (probably a good thing, when you think about it), and I realize I've made some silly mistakes in this chapter. Forgive me and shut up. :D Dear lord, "I'm With You" is on the radio. Surely this is a sign. But I already finished the first chapter of my fic I'm With You, so muaha! I am ahead of the signs! So now it's just an annoying Advil Lozenge song that I can't believe I once loved. Blah.

Disclaimer: Nny belongs to Jhonen. Duh. Any original characters that pop up are most likely based on my friends, who own themselves. The doctor is my uncle (who still can't figure out how to sign out of my MSN that I accidentally left signed in on his computer, so every time he goes online I get kicked off MSN messenger because I "have been signed in at another location." Grr). Any other Jhonen characters who may pop up are his also. Again, duh. Now the Go-Gos are on. Yay!

Continuity: I plan to fuck with everything so much it probably doesn't matter.

Johnny woke slowly, opened his eyes and blinked them a few times until the room came into focus. Or rather, the wall. He was lying flat on his back, staring at a stark white wall. Glancing down, he found that a similarly white sheet covered him from the waist down. The rest of his body was draped in a stiff hospital gown, also white, decorated with multicolored squiggly lines. Nny blinked. What was he doing in the hospital? The last thing he remembered was that stupid party…dancing reluctantly with some girl almost too drunk to stand…a flash of blue hair...a hallway that seemed to go on forever. Putting the pieces together, he realized what must have happened. He'd blacked out and some well-meaning person had brought him to the hospital. Well, that was almost enough to restore a fragment of his faith in humanity - or at least remind him that the occasional decent person did exist amidst the human waste - but he certainly didn't need to be here now. He started to sit up, feeling something tug at his arm. Glancing down, he realized he was hooked up to several IVs. Well, that seemed extreme. He shrugged, unhooked himself from the various tubes. He glanced around the room for the clothes he had been wearing, but they were nowhere to be found.

Great. He had been hoping to make a quick, quiet exit just in case some doctor tried to insist that he wasn't well and needed to stay another day or two. But he couldn't exactly see himself heading home in his hospital gown. Securing said gown as tightly as he could, he ventured out into the hall. There was a nurses' station just down the hall, occupied by only one young woman at the moment. Nny approached her.

"Er, excuse me. I was in -" he realized he didn't know the room number, so he gestured to the open door, "that room, and I think it's about time I was leaving, so if I could just get my clothes."

The nurse was now looking at him, her eyes very wide. "Um…why don't you…sit down right over there," she said a bit too fast, Nny thought, "and I'll go get the doctor."

Great, just what he had been trying to avoid. "Uh, that's really not necessary. I'm fine, so can I please have my things back so I can leave?"

"No…really…you need to…" the nurse hardly seemed to be speaking to him, more like babbling to herself. Stepping out from behind the little door that separated the nurses' station off from the hall, she pushed him gently toward a couple of plastic chairs against the wall. "Just…sit. I'll be right back." She hurried off down the hall. With a sigh, Johnny sat down. All right, so he'd insist to leave when the doctor got there.

After a few minutes of waiting, a tall, thin man with black hair and glasses hurried down the hall toward him. The little ID badge clipped to his shirt said Dr. Daigneault. The man stopped in front of Nny and stared down at him, a shocked expression on his face. "Jonathan!" he exclaimed. "It's wonderful to finally have you back. I've called your parents and they're on their way. You really shouldn't be out of bed, though. You must still be very weak. Why don't we go back to your room and wait?"

Nny rolled his eyes. "That's _really_ not necessary," he started to insist. "Wait - my WHAT!"

"Your parents," the doctor repeated, giving him an odd look. "Of course they're thrilled you're back, and they'll be here as soon as they possibly can -"

"Wait, this can't be right." Nny frowned. This doctor must have him confused with someone else. "I don't have parents. At least, not that I can remember. And anyway, what do you mean, 'back'?"

The doctor was frowning back at him now. "Jonathan -"

"Johnny," he interrupted.

"Johnny," the doctor said, giving him an even stranger look, "what is the last thing you remember?"

"I was at that party, and I passed out, and then I was here. Someone must have slipped something in my drink."

The doctor shook his head. "You haven't been to any parties recently, Jona- Johnny. You've been in a coma for the past year."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Yay, I just failed a biology test! Go me. (Taste the sarcasm.) Anyway, I don't have a whole lot to say here. Oh! Does the formatting of this story look as fucked up to you guys as it does to me? If so, sorry, dunno what's up with Uh...thanks to Tony for the perfume filler (you'll see), and blame typos on the fact that I'm on my grandmother's computer and the keyboard is eviiil and the fact that she doesn't have Word and I'm being forced to type this in Notepad doesn't help any.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No sue.

Nny stared at the doctor in shock. "I...what? No, that can't be right. You've got the wrong person..."

The doctor wasn't listening to him. He was trying to lead Nny back to the room he had come from, and Nny, too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on, found himself allowing it. The doctor pushed him gently onto the bed, and he sat, oddly eager to hear what the man had to say... He obviously had made a mistake and thought Nny was someone else. Nny certainly didn't feel like he'd been in a coma - how did waking up from a coma feel, anyway? - and parents...that definitely didn't fit. Still, this was interesting.

The doctor was still looking at him oddly. Sympathetically...but oddly. "You don't remember anything?"

Nny shook his head "no" just as the door flew open and a woman burst into the room. She was slightly overweight with shoulder-length light brown hair, and as she paused in the doorway Nny could see her eyes were very wide and full of tears. Then she exclaimed, "Jonathan!" and flung herself across the room to embrace him tightly. Johnny gagged as he got a huge lungful of her strong perfume, the fact that she was squeezing him so tight he could barely breathe not helping any. Finally she let go and Nny instinctively reached for a knife before remembering he was still clad only in the hospital gown. Anyway, the woman now had tears running down her face and was babbling. He had the strong impression that this was supposed to be his mother, and it just wouldn't be right to kill the poor woman for being incredibly confused. Tempting, maybe, but not right.

"-and your father will be here in just a few minutes, he's coming from work, oh, Jonathan, I can't believe it..."

"Johnny," he interrupted, but she took no notice. Nny rolled his eyes. All right. It was time to get through to these people.

"Look," he said loudly, since the volume of his supposed mother's voice had been increasing the longer she rambled, "let's get this straight. I am _not_ Jonathan, I am Johnny. And I don't know _what_ is going on here, but it's all one very big mistake. You are not my mother, because I don't have a mother. Well...I mean, I guess I do, but I don't remember her. And I have not been in a coma for a year. Last night I was at a party, someone slipped something in my drink, and I passed out in the bathroom..." suddenly things clicked. "That's it! It still _is_ last night, and this is all just a dream. A very strange dream..."

The woman was giving him a shocked, hurt look, but the doctor leaned forward, looking quite interested. "What exactly happened at this party, Johnny?"

It seemed rather pointless to answer the question, considering this was a stupid dream, but then he'd spent a good deal of time talking to figments of his imagination, and it was a way to pass the time until he woke from his drugged sleep. "Well...I didn't really want to go, but...I did anyway." He knew that sounded lame, there was more to it, but the details were fuzzy. "This girl...she was hosting it and she invited me. And...there was nothing else to do. It was only about two houses away from mine, so I walked there, and it was really crowded. I got a drink, but I set it down to go dance. Then I came back and finished it, and I noticed this girl walking toward me, so I tried to get away, but everything got...strange."

"Strange?"

"I couldn't move normally. And this girl..." he suddenly couldn't remember what had been so special about her. He shrugged. "Then...I remember being in this hall. I kept walking and it kept stretching so I couldn't get anywhere. I ended up in the bathroom, passed out and woke up here. Or rather, didn't wake up here. I'm probably still drooling on the tile."

"Hmm." The doctor had been staring at the floor. He looked up at Nny now. "Can you describe this girl for me?"

"Uh...she had pretty short, spiky blue hair. She was very skinny and...I think her eyebrow was pierced." The doctor and the woman exchanged a glance, and the woman said softly, "Kat," confusing Nny even further.

"And why were you trying to 'get away' from this girl?"

Nny knew there was a reason, but he couldn't remember. "I...I don't know."

The doctor nodded. "And when you say this party was held two houses down from you, you mean from your parents' house?"

"_No_," he replied forcefully. "I told you, I don't even know my parents. I live alone."

"I see. And what is your address?"

"777...um..." All right, now that was very strange. He suddenly couldn't remember the name of the street.

"Hmm, how can you afford a house? You don't work, do you?"

"No, I...I don't remember a lot of things, all right? I don't know how I got the house, but it's paid for, I guess, because I've never had to worry about it."

"I see. Maggie, would you mind waiting outside for your husband?"

The woman nodded, looking very confused. "I don't know what's taking him so long. He must be stuck in traffic."

"Wait outside the door for him. I'd like to speak to Johnny alone." The woman nodded and left the room.

Author's note, part two: Dear lord that was tedious. This chapter was a bitch to write, and mostly filler, but then every fic needs an official "bitch-to-write" chapter, and if this was it, I guess I got off easy. I've been working on Call & Answer's bitch for months.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Sorry so short, but hey, it's been over a year. Be glad for updates.

Johnny stared up at the doctor from his perch on the bed. The doctor stared back, apparently debating what to say. Johnny would have saved him the trouble, but he seemed to be at a loss for words himself. Why were the details of his life so fuzzy? Dream or not, shouldn't he be able to remember where he lived? He was feeling very strange. Knowing all this wasn't real, he somehow…wanted it to be.

The doctor pulled one of the plastic chairs over. Sitting down, he faced Johnny, clasped his hands. "I know you don't remember much right now, Jon-Johnny, and this must be very confusing for you. I'm sure that given a little time, though, your memories will start returning. In fact, the dreams that you had while in your comatose state suggest that your subconscious _does_ remember quite a bit."

Forgetting himself, Johnny blurted out, "So, you're saying that the things I remember…are actually part of this life?" He remembered the doctor and his mother's – supposed mother's – reactions when he mentioned the girl at the party. "The girl with the blue hair. Kat? Who is she?"

The doctor frowned slightly. "That's something you should discuss with your parents. But yes, that is basically what I am saying. Look, Johnny. I know you're confused and 'freaked out.'" Nny smiled slightly; he could almost hear the quotation marks around the slang term. "Given that you seem to have no problem being up and around, we can discharge you, and you can go home today. If you'd like, though, you can stay here in the hospital until you start remembering a few more things. I'm sure your parents would understand."

Suddenly, this whole situation seemed somehow even more surreal. It was the doctor's firm refusal to accept Johnny's disbelief. This was life, he was Jonathan, he could either go home or stay in the hospital, and that was it. Having little choice, Nny decided to play along. A small voice in his head asked if it was beginning to be more than just playing along, and he promptly squashed it.

"No, I'll go home," he said, and strangely enough, it sounded…right.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Another short one, but the next one is nearly done (depending on where I decide to cut it off) and will probably be posted within 5 hours or so.

Johnny followed Dr. Daigneault out into the hall where the woman – Maggie? _Mom_? No, definitely not – was sitting with a tall, muscular black-haired man in the same plastic chairs Johnny had earlier occupied. To Nny's extreme relief, the woman seemed to have calmed down some.

"Johnny has decided he's ready to go home," the doctor said, approaching them. "Why don't you two come with me and start the release paperwork while he changes."

"Is he…" Maggie started.

"He still remembers very little," (_Bit of an understatement,_ Nny thought), "but I have confidence that his memories will return."

The couple – his parents – stood. His father – Johnny needed a name for the man; even if he was going to go along with this, the parental words just seemed to awkward – extended a hand, looked him in the eye, and said simply, "Glad to have you back, son." Shaking hands (and insanely grateful the man hadn't tried to hug him), Nny thought that had it been in his highly suspicious nature, he would have liked him instantly.

The doctor led the couple off, leaving Johnny alone with a black duffel bag. Returning to the hospital room, he opened the bag and pulled out a faded pair of jeans, a button-down shirt, and a scuffed pair of black Vans. Though it was not exactly what he would have chosen – where were his boots? – he was glad to get out of the hospital gown and into some real clothes. He changed quickly, left the gown on the bed, and went back out into the hall, still amazed at how curious he was to see what would happen next.

He met his parents coming the other way down the hall. "Ready to go?" the man asked. Johnny nodded and followed them out into the bright sunlight. They led the way to a black Honda, Johnny climbed in the back, and they were off. The man drove and Maggie chattered endlessly. Johnny didn't catch half of what she said. He was looking around at the surroundings. Nothing looked familiar. Your basic nondescript suburban neighborhood; bright, clean. The sort of thing he'd always secretly wanted. It occurred to him that it had been hours since he woke up at the hospital. If this was indeed a dream, it was certainly a long one. He didn't mind.

They pulled into the driveway of a white house with a pristine lawn. _Home,_ Nny thought again, trying the word out in his head. He smiled and followed his parents into the house. Standing in a sparkling entry hall, he gazed around. His father came up behind him and chuckled. "Seems strange to have to give you a tour of our house. The kitchen's right over there," he pointed, "living room's that way, and the bedrooms are upstairs. I'll, uh, show you your room?"

"Yeah, okay," Nny said, realizing he'd been silent for quite awhile, taking everything in. He followed the man up the stairs and was pointed in the direction of a closed door. "I'll let you get settled back in," the man said. "We'll be downstairs if you need anything." Johnny nodded and opened the door to the room that contained a new life.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: Still relatively short, sorry. But hey, better short chapters often than one long one a month, huh? I'm trying to keep ahead of my updates (read: I actually have 2 more pages written, but I cut it off here. So you'll probably get another update by tomorrow at the latest). On with it!

His room, although not as pristine as the rest of the house, was neat. White walls were covered with posters of bands he'd never heard of: Unwritten Law, Bad Religion, Graham Colton. A computer sat on a desk in the corner, a huge stereo on the dresser. Bookshelves crammed with a combination of novels, textbooks, comics, and other miscellaneous junk lined one wall. The closet door was half-open and Nny could see more apparel similar to what he was wearing now. The bed was made with deep red sheets and a brown blanket. Nny took a good look at the person he had been, and in that moment decided that if he was going to be that person, he would do it right. The only problem was he didn't even really know who he was, and staring at band posters wasn't really giving him any insight into his former self's soul.

Plopping down in the desk chair, he switched on the computer. As he was waiting for it to boot up, the door flew open and a small boy burst in. "_Johnny!_" he yelled, staring at Nny wide-eyed.

"Hey, Squee," Nny replied without thinking. The boy ran over and hugged Johnny's legs, and then it clicked. "Hey, wait - _Squee_?"

"Shh!" the boy said, finger to his lips. "You know Mommy doesn't like it when you call me that."

Nny blinked. "Mommy?"

The door, which had slammed shut again as Squee burst into the room, cracked open, and the man - Dad, Nny reminded himself, thinking of his plan to live this life the best he could while he had the chance - poked his head in. "Todd had the day off skool," he explained. "We told him you were home and he, well, he's a little excited to see his big brother again, obviously."

It was Johnny's turn for wide eyes. "You're my _brother_?"

Squee-Todd giggled. "Sure, Nny. Are you okay?" As their father gently explained that Johnny couldn't yet remember much, Nny debated what was stranger - having Squee for a brother, or seeing the kid happy.

"Let's get out of here and give Johnny some time to get acclimated, okay?" he heard.

"But Daddy, I want to stay!" Squee whined.

"It's okay," Johnny said. Actually, it was really nice to see someone he recognized. "He can stay in here."

"_Yayyy!_" Squee cried, hopping up on the bed.

"Okay," their dad said. "But don't bother Johnny too much. Remember, he just got out of the hospital."

"Okay, Daddy!" Squee said happily, and he left, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. Finding that he had little to say, Johnny returned to the computer. Although he couldn't remember ever using one before, he clicked through the files effortlessly. It was almost instinct. There were several files full of skoolwork - _God, I'm in high skool? _Although he didn't actually remember skool, the idea of being surrounded by teenagers for eight hours a day sounded fairly appalling. Only, strangely enough, it didn't. Maybe he liked skool. Maybe he had friends. nny blinked in surprise at the thought. He wasn't quite sure what it would be like to have real friends. He seemed to be a fairly good student. Nearly all of the papers on the computer were for advanced classes, anyway. _Advanced placement biology? What the..._ And then as he read through the pages, it was the strangest feeling...he _understood _it. It was actually interesting.

"Nny turn on the radio," Squee said, bouncing happilyon the bed.

"Go for it," Nny said, smiling. It was good to see the kid not sad and scared.

"Can we listen to the Ataris?" Squee asked, nodding toward the desk. Noticing a small CD wallet, Nny picked it up and flipped through it with interest. Still nothing he recognized; no classical music. He located the Ataris CD, took one look at the complicated stereo, and handed the disc to Squee, who promptly popped it in, pushed a couple of buttons, and started bobbing his head to the music, which Johnny had to admit wasn't bad.

"You know more about my stuff than I do," he commented.

Squee's face grew solemn, and he looked more like the boy Johnny had known, or thought he had. "Mommy doesn't like it when I come in here, but sometimes I do anyway. I mean, I did. It seemed weird, your room being all closed up and empty. And you were gone so long, and they hardly ever let me go see you, well, I didn't really like to anyway 'cause that wasn't really you," he paused for breath, "but in here, it was more like actually being with you." He stopped abruptly and looked up at Nny.

"Hey, it's okay," Nny said, "I know what you mean." He did, actually. He had spent so longbasing his happiness on others, it came as quite a shock to have someone's happiness based on _him_.

"Besides," Squee said, having perked up again (Nny had the sense that he had been talking for awhile; he chided himselfto stop tuning out - hadn't he always hated that?), "your friends needed company."

"Friends?" Nny turned around quickly. Somehow he didn't think Squee was talking about his skoolmates.

"Yeah. Mommy put them in the closet.She didn't want to move anything, but she came in here sometimes, to clean and stuff, and she didn't like looking at them. They're not lonely in there, though, 'cause I hang out with them."

Suddenly feeling very cold, Nny stood abruptly, crossed to the closet, and threw the door fully open. Looking inside, his stomach dropped violently.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's note: I don't have anything to say. I'm slowly phasing out ANs.

The doughboys.

They grinned meanly up at him, as if to say, _Here we are, Nny; didn't forget about us, did you? Didn't think you could get away from us? Nooo, surely not. We're your, Johnny. We're your friends. We're your real life._

"They talk to you?" he rasped, wheeling around. He stared at Squee, bug-eyed.

Squee giggled. "Don't be silly, Johnny. I know they're not real. I was only kidding. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Johnny said, relearning how to breathe. Looking back in the closet, he saw that they were indeed only Styrofoam, sinister-looking though they were. Still, he decided, he would be getting rid of them as soon as possible. He had been glad enough to see Squee, but this was a familiarity he could do without. "I'm fine," he said, and closed the door sharply. "So hey, Squee, what's been up with you?" As his little brother rattled on about his life, Nny leaned back on the bed, sinking into pure normality.

Dinner that night was an interesting affair. They ate tacos, which apparently were Nny's favorite food in this life as well. He was getting better at participating in conversation, but it was still difficult given that he didn't even really know who he was. He got the sense that this was a talk-about-your-day-around-the-dinner-table sort of family, but what was there to say? "Today I woke up from a year-long coma. So, how was work?"

Soon the subject of skool came up. "Your junior year is nearly over," Maggie said, "but we can talk to your counselor and see if there's a way you can still graduate with the rest of your class. Maybe you can take summer skool and an extra class during zero period."

"Okay," Nny said, having no idea what she was talking about.

"We should get you re-enrolled as soon as possible –"

"Maggie," his father interrupted, "give him a break. He needs to get some rest."

"No, it's okay," Nny said. He was filled with an interesting mix of conflicting emotions at the thought of going – returning – to skool. Curiosity, dread, anticipation. "I'm fine. I've been resting for a year, haven't I?" Even though the past few hours had been the most restful he could remember. "I can go back to skool."

His father eyed him, obviously assessing his physical condition. Nny looked the same as he ever had – too skinny. _Had_ he always looked that way? Probably, he decided. Similar, at least. He couldn't image himself as some muscle-bound dude. Anyway, his clothes fit fine.

"Okay," his dad finally decided. "But you're staying home for a few more days, at least. Your mother can go find out about enrolling you." Ah, parental authority. Wasn't it supposed to suck? Nny didn't mind too much. Actually, it was sort of nice, having someone else in charge. Sort of…secure.

Nny excused himself from the table, saying he thought he'd go to bed. He was tired, not to mention emotionally drained. He climbed the stairs, went into his room, and shut the door behind him. Perching on the desk chair, he thought over the events of the day. He did like it here. He was confused half the time, but he supposed that would go away soon. Especially if all this really _was_ real, and his memories started returning, like the doctor had said. _But,_ he thought, standing and beginning to pace the room, _what if it's not real?_ He wasn't quite sure what that would do to him. After only one day, he had grown more attached to this life than he knew. The thought of waking up tomorrow in his old house… _No sleep,_ he decided. That seemed a bit too much like his old self, but he didn't care. He couldn't deal with the uncertainty of sleep. He stopped in front of the bookshelves. Maybe he could read something, catch up…he remembered being fascinated by the biology paper on his computer. Maybe the textbook was here.

There was a knock on the door. "Johnny? Mommy sent me up to see if you're okay."

"Yeah, Squee, I'm fine," he said, mentally cursing himself. Of course he couldn't just sit up all night. His parents would never allow it, and they would surely see the light under the door and hear him moving around. Fine then, he thought as he heard Squee's tiny feet pounding down the stairs. He would go to bed, but that didn't mean he had to sleep. Rummaging through the drawers, he found a pair of pajama pants and a loose tank top. He raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and changed into them. Looking in the mirror over his dresser, he had to snicker at the sight of himself in the tank. Still, it was comfortable. Switching off the light, he climbed into bed. The days events, along with thoughts of the future, once again swirled through his head, and despite his best intentions, he was fast asleep within minutes.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Gasp! Could that actually be a bit of plot advancement mixed into yet another filler chapter? No, surely not…

Johnny woke slowly and was immediately enveloped by a deep feeling of despair. He had given in to sleep and now the dream was over. With a sigh he shoved the covers off and rolled out of bed -- literally.

"Ow," he groaned as his skinny body met the hard floor. Wait...covers? Bed? He usually just passed out on the floor when he did sleep. He opened his eyes fully and leapt up, finding himself still in the bedroom at his parents' house. As a huge smile crossed his face he had to resist the urge to jump for joy and instead settled for throwing himself back on the bed, enjoying the _foom_ sound the soft comforter made as he landed.

There was a knock on the door, immediately followed by his father. "Johnny?" He chuckled. "I guess you are awake, then. I'm off to work now. Your mother's and my cell and work numbers are by the phone if you need us for anything. You take it easy today, okay?"

"Okay, Dad," Nny said quietly, but as his father closed the door with a smile, he knew he'd been heard.

The next few days passed in a blur of TV, video games, books, and sleep. It seemed "real Nny" still had similar tastes, on the bookshelves he found Kafka, Nietzsche and Goethe. There were also quite a few novels, though, and he enjoyed discovering Michael Crichton and Stephen King. He found several pictures of himself, nearly always smiling at the camera from the middle of a large crowd of friends. To his great surprise, he also found a photo of himself posing with the mysterious Kat, his arm around her shoulders. Who was she? he wondered. He had never asked his parents about her. Actually, he hadn't thought too much about her or anything else in the past couple of days. He'd been far too wrapped up in doing absolutely nothing. He put the picture aside, meaning to ask later, but by that night it was well and thoroughly forgotten as he plopped on the couch to play video games with Squee.

The weekend flew by and it was agreed that Nny would return to skool on Monday. He found himself both dreading and looking forward to the day. When he went to bed on Sunday he found that, for the first time he could remember, he had insomnia, and it was not voluntary. After tossing and turning for about half an hour, he pulled out the Vivaldi CD that he had found in his desk drawer. Most of the popular music he had wasn't bad, but it was good to know he still had some classical stuff. Slipping the disc into the stereo he had finally figured out how to use, he turned to the Mandolin Concerto #3. He paused, looking out the window to the dark, silent street below. The trashcans were neatly lined up for the next day's pickup. Suddenly Johnny remembered what he'd been meaning to do all week. Opening the closet door, he picked up one doughboy under each arm -- surely it was his imagination, but they seemed heavier than they should -- he bounded down the stairs, out the door, and deposited them unceremoniously in the trash. Returning to his room, he suddenly felt more tired than he had. Dropping into bed, he fell asleep almost instantly.


	9. Chapter 9

_Gimme envy, gimme malice, gimme your attention, gimme envy, gimme malice…gimme a break…_

Johnny bobbed his head to the incessant beat of the music being pumped into his left ear by the tiny headphone lodged there. The other earbud was being worn by a girl sitting across the table from him. Every few moments she would start lip-synching along with whatever song was on, tossing her head about randomly so that her long black-and-red dreadlocks flew everywhere, posing serious danger to anyone foolish enough to come within a foot of her. Her name was Cassandra and, despite her complete lack of ability to focus on anything for more than a few minutes, her penchant for mindless, repetitive music, and the fact that she was, in fact, human, Nny liked her.

This made sense, as she apparently was – had been? Tenses were proving very confusing again – his best friend. As he had discovered when, upon entering the cafeteria of Sullivan Street high School just under ten minutes previously, he had seen a mass of brightly-colored hair flying toward him a moment before impact. He was actually beginning to get used to the whole random hug thing after a whole lot of practice, but it was still a shock every time. After getting past the initial weirdness of having a complete stranger clinging to him, he had become aware that the girl was saying something, her words muffled by the fact that her face was pressed into his chest. After an entire morning of dealing with friends and loved ones, all completely unknown to him, he hadn't been terribly surprised when prying her off of him had done little to improve his comprehension of what she was saying.

Finally her rambling had slowed to a mostly understandable level and she had steered him to the table where they were now sitting, surrounded by people Cassandra assured him were friends. How she could dominate the conversation when she was barely even paying attention was a mystery to Nny, but somehow she managed it. He tried his best to keep up as she pointed out various people he should know, giving their entire life stories within seconds, it seemed, when he noticed someone sitting down a few tables over. Someone very familiar, though, like everyone else in the room, he couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

"What about her?" he asked, gesturing to the mass of spiky blue hair that had first caught his attention, and the girl attached to it.

Cassandra glanced in the direction he was indicating and immediately scowled. "She's no one. Nny, stay away from her. What?" she asked defensively as one of the boys at the table --  
Michael, if Nny remembered correctly -- stared at her, disapproval on his face.

"Cass, that's not fair. Don't lie to him; let him make his own decision." Looking insulted, she opened her mouth again, but was cut off as another voice rose from the general murmur of agreement with Michael's statement.

"That's Kat," spoke up one of the other girls, and suddenly Nny remembered the dream he'd had during the last days of his hospital stay. The party. How could he have forgotten? "She's, um, sort of the outcast-loner type, y'know? Cass never approved of the two of you going out."

"None of us did, really," Michael interjected. "Cassi was just always the most…vocal about it, hard as you'll find that to believe," he added, grinning, but Johnny was too busy being shocked again to even notice the joke.

"So, she…" he said slowly, "and I…we…"

"Dated, yes. For the better part of a year before you got sick," Cassandra said bitterly. "Please, Nny, stay away from her; she's trouble. You're too good for her."

Something very strange was happening. Nny had noticed it before – well, no, that was too strong a word. Until now it had just been the slightest nagging feeling that something was different, something was a little…odd. This was the first time he'd been able to quantify it.

He was beginning to forget things. Things about his old life. He tried to remember his house and could barely come up with a few vague scraps of memory. The last thing he could really remember before waking up in the hospital was the party, and even that was fuzzy – and seemingly growing more distant by the moment, especially now that he was thinking about it. More than that, he felt he was beginning to forget who he _was_…or would that be, who he had been? He knew that he was reacting far differently to things than he once would have. He was sure that the old Nny would never have stood for his so-called friends telling him what to do, or insinuating that they were superior to someone else based solely on some ridiculous high-school hierarchy.

Then again, the old Nny hadn't _had_ any friends. He'd lived alone, talking to figments of his imagination…wait, what was he saying? A sudden burst of anger swept through him. The old Nny wasn't even _real_. The instant that thought entered his mind, he believed it. For the first time, he completely believed that this was his life, that everything else had merely been a dream, dredged up from the strangest parts of his comatose psyche. Didn't it make sense, then, that he was forgetting? Why would he want to remember the strangest nightmare he had ever had? Hadn't his doctor said that his memories, his _real_ memories, would return with time? And most importantly, didn't he have everything he's ever wanted – a home, a family, real friends – a life? And wasn't it worth doing anything necessary to keep all of that?

"Okay," he agreed, realizing he'd just spaced out for a moment with his thoughts. "I'll stay away from her." Cassandra beamed at him, and he returned her smile. The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and as she slipped her hand into his, leading the way to their next class, he watched as Kat exited the cafeteria alone.


	10. Chapter 10

Days passed and slowly Johnny began to really settle in to his new life. As his remaining memories from what he had decided must have been a trauma-induced dream began to fade, memories of his real life began to return remarkably quickly, aided in great part by his friends, most notably Cassi. His days fell into a routine of school, homework, friends and family. It was incredible, really, how fast he adjusted once he made up his mind to do so.

Not that it was really his decision, he thought. After all, this was who he really was. To keep pretending anything else would be...ridiculous. He wasn't even sure why his unconscious brain had had such strange and disturbing fantasies in the first place. He could hardly believe now that there was some deep, dark part of him that could come up with such things. After the thought occurred to him he couldn't leave it alone, couldn't stop thinking about it. Though he could no longer remember much, he had a vague sense of violence, screaming, blood... He shook his head, sighing as he looked away from his computer, his latest English assignment up on the screen. Somehow it bothered him, the way his brain moved in circles, almost as if, rather than forgetting, he wasn't _allowing _himself to think about certain things. Or -- maybe something _else_ wouldn't allow it? But that was just plain crazy, and he was definitely not crazy. He was perfectly normal...right?

The phone rang, disrupting Johnny's now almost frantic reverie. He hadn't realized it until then, but he was almost literally dizzy with the force of the thoughts flying through his mind. It had happened a time or two before. The first time he had mentioned it to Cassi. "Don't think so hard, Nny," had been her half-joking response, "you're gonna hurt yourself. No, seriously," she had continued, "you're not supposed to over-exert yourself. Doesn't that include mentally? Why would you want to think about that stuff anyway? lood and death and comas, ick." She was right, of course, and he had done his best to put such thoughts out of his head, evidently with less success than he had hoped.

It was a funny thing, his relationship with Cass, he thought as he went to pick up the cordless phone. She had proven to be there every time he needed or wanted someone to talk to -- on the phone, online, or face-to-face. They were best friends, a concept that still seemed just the slightest bit odd to Nny. Even stranger was the way she looked at him sometimes, that certain tone in her voice that suggested --

Johnny couldn't remember ever having a girlfriend. He was tempted to ask one of his friends if he had ever dated, aside from his one apparent mistake, but he was...well, embarrassed, an emotion he was not at all used to. He suspected, though, that Cassie would be more than willing to fill the role...and really, that didn't exactly sound like a bad thing. She was his best friend for a reason, wasn't she? And it wasn't as if she wasn't pretty. Following this line of reasoning -- maybe he should say something to her. Yes, he could do that, he decided. Normal seventeen-year-old boys asked their friends-who-could-be-more-than-friends out on dates, right? Nodding to himself without realizing it, he closed his bedroom door and hit the 'talk' button on the phone, already planning exactly what he was going to say.

"Hello," he said pleasantly, smiling and fairly confident in his decision.

"Hello?" came a female voice. "Nny?"

"Cassi?" he asked, a bit puzzled. It didn't sound like his friend's voice -- maybe she was upset about something?

"No, Nny," the voice on the other end of the line replied. "This is Kat. I need to talk to you."


End file.
